He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
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Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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