just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
