I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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