He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
