just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
