his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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