Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
