That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
