My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
