just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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