All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
