I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Who died my cat blue again?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.