Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.