How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week