he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.