i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken