I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.