Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
