go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
