I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
