I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize