I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
