i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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