I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
