She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
