So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
