I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
