there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
