I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
