I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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