WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
