she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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