how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
