yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
