Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
