She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
