is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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