before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
