Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
