I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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