You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Randomize
