Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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