Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
