I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
