My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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