Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
