What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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