Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
