A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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