God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
