The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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