Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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