We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
