This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize