I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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