my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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