How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
