Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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