worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
false alarm, still single
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
