Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
