you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the day after is always just damage control
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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