Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
