the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
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We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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