I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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