Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
