if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
whose ass print is on the piano?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
