Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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