and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
