I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
