Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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