Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
